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Navigating friendships can be particularly complex for children with ADHD due to the unique ways they perceive and interact with the world. Traditional social settings might pose challenges, yet understanding these differences and finding the right supportive community can greatly enhance their social experiences. This blog delves into the hurdles children with ADHD may encounter, emphasizes the importance of a supportive social environment that values neurodiversity and offers practical strategies to help your child cultivate fulfilling friendships.
Positive Connected Friendships are Important
Establishing one or two stable friendships can be exceptionally beneficial for all children, including those with ADHD, as they navigate through childhood and adolescence. These relationships are crucial for learning empathy, perspective-taking, and social skills. Moreover, feeling connected and secure in at least one peer relationship can significantly decrease challenging social behaviours and boost mental health through enhanced self-confidence and resilience.
Many challenging behaviours, especially impulsive ones observed in children with ADHD, are often attempts to connect and “fit in” with peers. A sense of social security can noticeably reduce these behaviours. Research shows that children who might struggle socially in broader contexts can find solace and support in a few secure friendships. It’s essential to emphasize that the quality of these friendships, rather than their number, has a profound impact on their well-being.
Our goal should be to ensure our children feel connected and secure socially, catering to their unique needs and preferences. This involves continually tuning into how they feel about their friendships without imposing our adult perspectives. It’s important to recognize that their social needs may differ from ours; a small circle of one or two close friends is perfectly adequate, and these friends do not need to be classmates or of the exact same age.
Decoding the Social Challenges
Children with ADHD may face several social challenges:
Neurological Diversity and Social Misunderstandings
ADHD children experience the world through a different lens, leading to potential “translation issues” in social interactions where their behaviour and communication might be misinterpreted by those who do not share the same neurological experiences.
Impulsivity and Emotional Regulation
Traits like impulsivity and difficulties in regulating emotions can lead to behaviours that are misunderstood or viewed as socially inappropriate by neurotypical peers.
Attention and Engagement Challenges
Staying engaged in conversations or group activities can be challenging due to internal distractions, such as wandering thoughts, or external stimuli, which can lead to misunderstandings or social fatigue.
Sensitivity to Social Cues
Challenges in picking up nonverbal cues or adhering to the unspoken rules of social interactions can lead to awkwardness and social anxiety.
What Does a Translation Issue Mean?
Emerging research in neurodiversity suggests that challenges often labelled as deficiencies in neurodivergent individuals might be more accurately described as translation issues. Children with ADHD or Autism process information differently, navigate the world uniquely, and thus communicate distinctively, including through body language. For example, while a lack of eye contact may signify intense focus and engagement on the topic at hand for a neurodiverse child, it could be misinterpreted as disinterest by a neurotypical individual.
Dr. Damian Milton calls this a double empathy problem, noting that “when people with very different experiences of the world interact, they struggle to empathize with each other, exacerbated by differences in language use and comprehension.” This insight reminds us that we are often dealing with a disconnect between two differing perspectives, not a right or wrong way to engage with the world.
Strategies for Building Understanding and Connection
Supporting children with ADHD in developing meaningful friendships requires strategies that respect their neurodiversity and promote understanding:
Foster Environments Where Differences Are Valued
Encourage social interactions in environments where neurodiversity is understood and celebrated, such as special interest clubs, groups for neurodivergent children, or inclusive activities. It is also important to note that activities in high interest areas and activities that encourage movement are often highly motivating for children with ADHD. These will also reduce ADHD symptoms increasing social capacity.
Teach Social Translation Skills
Educate ADHD children and their peers about each other’s communication styles. This understanding can smooth interactions and reduce misunderstandings. For example, teaching your child to express, “I sometimes get so excited that I can’t stop talking, it’s ok to interrupt me if you want to share too.” or “When I am focused it is hard for me to give eye contact, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not listening carefully” can help them to clarify and avoid misinterpretations.
Create Safe Spaces for Socialization
Begin with one-on-one playdates or small groups in controlled settings to minimize overwhelming stimuli. Prepare and set expectations ahead of time to help your child feel comfortable and even role-play potential scenarios ahead of time.
Utilize Role-Playing for Social Practice
Practice various social scenarios through role-playing, helping your child learn appropriate responses and develop confidence. This could involve rehearsing different choices before an activity or discussing potential social situations with toys for younger children.
Encourage Reflection and Feedback
Discuss what went well and what was challenging after social interactions. Questions like, “How can you tell if someone else is enjoying the interaction?” can help your child develop social awareness and improve future engagements.
Emphasize the Importance of Finding ‘Their People”
Teach children that finding friends who ‘speak the same language’ can make socializing more enjoyable and less stressful. It’s about finding comfort and connection, not fitting into every group.
Highlight the Value of Individual Strengths
Encourage activities that play to your child’s interests and strengths. Whether it’s art, science, sports, or music, excelling in these areas can boost their social confidence and facilitate connections with peers that will have common ground to discuss and connect around.
A Spotlight on Bullying and ADHD
Bullying is a significant concern for all children, but it poses a particular threat to those with ADHD. A 2015 study involving 4,965 adolescents revealed that teenagers with ADHD are at a higher risk of victimization from bullying. This increased vulnerability can often be attributed to the very symptoms of ADHD—impulsivity, difficulties with emotional regulation, and challenges in understanding social cues. Additionally, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) often seen in children with ADHD can exacerbate these issues, as it may lead to misperceptions of neutral interactions as hostile, or cause a child to react defensively or aggressively, potentially escalating conflicts.
Preventing Bullying Through Supportive Strategies
The strategies discussed in this article not only help in building robust social skills but also play a crucial role in preventing bullying. Creating environments where differences are celebrated, and teaching children about “social translations” can reduce misunderstandings and foster acceptance. Understanding and addressing Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria specifically can help also support an ADHD child as they navigate bullying scenarios.
Immediate Steps to Take If Your Child Is Being Bullied
- Open Dialogue: Encourage your child to talk about their experiences without fear of judgment. Understanding the details can help in addressing the issue effectively. This allow allows you as the parent to support your child in processing, interpreting, and perspective taking.
- Inform School Authorities: Alert teachers and school administrators about the bullying. Schools can monitor situations more closely and intervene when necessary.
- Work with a Counsellor: Engage a counsellor to help your child develop concrete strategies to respond to bullying, especially strategies that consider their sensitivity to rejection. Children with ADHD benefit from having clear, actionable plans that they can remember and use when they find themselves in challenging social situations.
- Role-Play Scenarios: Practice responses with your child at home. This can help them feel more confident and prepared to handle real-life interactions.
- Strengthen Social Skills: Continue to use the strategies from this article to help your child improve their social interactions, which can reduce their chances of being targeted.
Final Thoughts
For children with ADHD, the journey to forming lasting friendships extends beyond simply acquiring social skills; it’s about discovering a community that understands and appreciates their unique perspectives on the world. By nurturing environments that value neurodiversity and teaching the intricacies of ‘social translations,’ we can assist ADHD children in not only making friends but also thriving in their social interactions. The aim is not just to conform to existing social norms but to foster mutual understanding that bridges diverse ways of being.
From a personal standpoint, as a parent of a child who once said, “social skills are not one of my strengths,” I have seen firsthand how impactful these strategies can be. Through consistent role-playing, discussions about social translations, providing sample scripts, cueing key social cues to look for, and employing various other techniques, she is now flourishing socially. Many of her friends are also neurodiverse, and while sharing common interests is beneficial, what has been even more valuable is regularly discussing social dynamics. This has not only built her confidence but also equipped her to handle challenging social situations effectively.
References
AutieTraumaGeek. (2020, May 23). Lost in translation: The social language theory of neurodivergence. Medium. Retrieved from https://autietraumageek.medium.com/lost-in-translation-the-social-language-theory-of-neurodivergence-part-1-of-2-1963ba0073c5
Crompton, C. J., & Fletcher-Watson, S. (n.d.). Efficiency during information transfer between autistic and neurotypical people. The University of Edinburgh. Retrieved from https://dart.ed.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/catherine-insar-poster-2019-2.pdf
Dodson, W. (2022, June 6). How ADHD shapes your perceptions, emotions & motivation. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/adhd-symptoms-emotions-motivation/
Epstein-Ngo, Q. M., McCabe, S. E., Veliz, P. T., Stoddard, S. A., Austic, E. A., Boyd, C. J. (2016). Diversion of ADHD stimulants and victimization among adolescents. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 41(7), 786-798. https://doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsv105
Goldrich, C. (2018). Strengthen connection: It’s their survival rope. Attention Magazine. Retrieved from https://chadd.org/attention-article/strengthen-connection-its-their-survival-rope/
Hallowell, E. M., & Ratey, J. J. (2021). ADHD 2.0. Random House Publishing Group.
Kissgen, R., & Franke, S. (2016). An attachment research perspective on ADHD. Neuropsychiatrie, 30(2), 63-68. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40211-016-0182-1
Lieberman, M. D. (2014). Social: Why our brains are wired to connect. Broadway Books.
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem.’ Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
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